Taking steps backwards in order to go forwards.

I've been freelance (for the second time) for about a month and a half now.  I did the freelance lifestyle back in Canada, and so when I quit my job in March and decided to go freelance again, I thought it would be easy (since I already knew what to expect and where the hardships would be).  The difference, though, is that this time I've changed.  My circumstances and surroundings are the same (constantly searching to find clients, trying to make ends meet, working primarily alone and seeing very little people...), but my attitute has changed.  I guess I really threw myself a curve ball.  

Some things I'm working through:

1. I'm not as successful as I'd like to be.  
In a city where you are surrounded by very successful and well off people, this is intimidating.  Half the time I don't have a clue what I'm doing, but I'm pushing through every day trying to make sense of it all.  

2. I'm so over fashion. 
I'm tired of seeing women (and men) exploited through photography.  Some days I feel like I can barely pick up my camera.  I feel so overwhelmed by the pressures of the fashion world that I feel like I've lost all sense of direction and vision.  The fashion world is incredibly competitive.  I'm taking a bit of a breather to think through this all (including not shopping for a few months).

3. I can't compare myself to others. 
Life seems so glamorous on the Internet and in the tech bubble of San Francisco.  I strive for this glamorous-my-life-is-perfect-I-am-22-and-making-millions-of-dollars life but gawwwwd, it is exhausting.  Whether it be about money, or another photographers work, or all the traveling people are doing, I can't let myself compare. 

The truth is, I am happy and I am content with where I am.  There are frustrating days and then there are days like today where I feel inspired.  I'm pushing through the hardships to find this success, I'm trying to think of ways to redefine what fashion is and what my work is about, and I am not letting myself get caught up in the crazy world of social media.  I decided to take the month of May off of social media and wow, it has been the most refreshing month I've had in a long time.

I guess my point of this post is one, to be real, but two, to say that things aren't always as they seem, and you have to keep pushing. Find inspiration, surround yourself with people you love, work harder than you've ever worked, take advice but also follow your own heart.  Things will come around.  Sometimes you have to take steps backwards in order to go forwards.

Here are some articles lately that have inspired me:

Not Just A Girl... (Don't raise your daughters to be Disney princesses. A photo series of a girl dressed as real women).

Don't Compare Yourself (It's Toxic)... by Vanilla Extract.